and this time is no different.
I waited. I watched. I knew, that this was going down, unlike how you were planning. I deciphered all of the napalm lies, the deceitful maniacal tales that you spew from your counterfeit lips. Lips had I wanted to kiss for years, that were just as cold and empty as they were a half a dozen years ago. It took you that long, to give in, and let me have the realization that I needed. It took a short 4 days, 7hours, 33 minutes, and 62 seconds to figure out, I was right all along. You are, no doubt, now cursing me for your misfortune, and one day you will realize that it was all on you. You brought this on yourself. Do you think, treating people the way you do, has had any impact on your life? I think you of all people will agree that…Karma is a filthy fucking whore. In all fairness, when you don’t learn from your mistakes, the second time around is your own fucking fault.
So, I gave into you. Each and every time. Sidestepping and slipping through the motions, not ever really knowing why. The dreams pulled me back in, even when I was pseudo-killing you, consecutively, for weeks and months on end-in a demented lucidity, lost within the own prison-like confines of my mind. I was connected to you because I allowed it to be so. Not because you have some divine hold over my subconscious. I’ve been charging through my chaotically ever-changing life-head first (because anything else couldn’t be something of my working…), fluttering in and out of everyone else’s realm, in the hopes *even still* that I will continue to live my life as I have been.. kicking parasites like you in teeth to watch you bleed, just for fun. This whole toxic mess is something that shouldn’t be given the energy or the time, because things like that, don’t deserve it. In retrospect, I’m not surprised to see, that this is one of the biggest lessons yet. That pipe-dreams and wistful, drawn-out, late-night fantasies, are exactly that. I don’t need you. I never did. And you never needed me. It was something of a delusional compulsion; I’m ecstatic it has finally ceased.
See, this hole you forged in my chest, is reminiscent of this one time, with this one guy, who was also around for a number of years. Who also proceeded to try and rip out my heart through my throat and feed it to me on a daily basis with a rusty spoon. So, when I put it all together I discovered, it was a repeat of the exact previous cycle. Do you know what a cycle is? A phase, a chain, an orbit. A fabrication. An abstract obsession with the insane. Cycles. Are made to be broken. Someone hand me a hatchet.
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. -Albert Einstein
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. -Albert Einstein
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.- Albert Einstein
Exactly.
Our whole relationship/friendship and lack there-of, is a phantom neurosis. It wasn’t until the other night, enjoying a glass of wine, smoking, watching drunken magicians and street people, and listening to your “friends” bitch about how you’re so fucking entitled-that it finally clicked. It’s almost like we all need therapy to get over how it’s always been all about you…and how you’re a selfish, inconsiderate, childish, waste of perfectly good human being…that was once there. That lost his soul in a fight with his own existence. We pined how we loved you and how we had to let you go, because viral things, never change. They stay the same, and mutate. They lay dormant and they get stronger. It’s a vicious habit in itself. I think we’ve all realized that our lives stopped revolving around you, a long time ago, I guess we were just hoping with enough of us, you may see how good the world can be. But your cynical, twisted thought process makes us out to be in a war against each other, because in your life, war is all you’ve ever known.
And that war, is one I’m done fighting.
